Tuesday, 15 May 2012

I must be weird

I'm sat here, sifting through friends status posts on facebook, and it hits me: Why don't people shit in public anymore?

Bear with me on this one.

Cavemen. They didn't have toilets, so I'm guessing they just took a dump wherever they wanted. No issue.

Nowadays though, people are all scared to pee in a public toilet if there's someone in the cubical next to them (Myself included, I'm ridiculously pee-shy). But the main reason why I got onto this topic is that people... Namely my facebook friends... Are more than happy to share their deepest, most intimte thoughts and details about their lives; The dreams they have, what they're eating, who they're with, where they are, their opinions on social news, their jobs, family etc... 

If people are willing to share all their personal shit on their walls... Then why not just take a dump on the pavement? We'll be able to see if you've had corn the night before, and it'd be just like telling us what you had for dinner anyway.

So, think of the pavement/road as your new facebook wall, and shit all over it. You'll have the same privacy issues, and people will still comment on your shit. They probably wont "like" it as much though.

Over and out.

Sunday, 5 February 2012

Pointless things to blog about


I dont care how hungry or fat you and your wife are, YOU DO NOT PUSH IN FRONT OF ME AT THE BAKERY.

There is a queue. I'm in the queue. You want something, then you join the queue. BEHIND ME.

I know I'm short and kinda skinny, and he was about three times my size and fuelled by the smell of a steak slice, but seriously, that's no excuse not to see me standing right there in front of the counter.

So I raised my voice and said (in the most sarcastic tone ever, think Chandler from friends crossed with Dr. House) "OH. It's not like I was in the line or anything!" before dramatically storming out of the place, chanelling Whitney Houston circa her crack addiction.

No, I didnt cut my nose off to spite my face. As it goes, Greggs didnt have anything I wanted afterall. Plus I sure as hell wasn't going to stand there stupified, yet amazed, by the back of the fat guys head looking like a pack of hotdogs.

Surprised his wife didnt try to eat him.

Monday, 30 January 2012


I'll start off with a bit of bad news... Our lovely Vitara failed it's MOT on something pretty major on Saturday. So it's getting fixed on Thursday, and having another MOT test on Saturday in Leeds. Hopefully it'll pass, because we kinda want to drive it up to Whitby for our posh 2-day spa thing at Raithwaite Hall.


Friday, 27 January 2012

Pointless Things To Blog About

#3 - Backwards systems in electronic times

Ed Sheeran (The only ginger dude I'd run away with) is playing a gig at Doncaster Dome sometime in November, and tickets are on sale through the website. So, giddy as schoolgirls, Paul and I rush online to get our tickets. Anxiously, we wait for the website to load, and patiently we search for where to book these tickets, eyes gleaming with glorious hope...

And then...

Then we're confronted by a page that basically has "Call Boxoffice" plastered over it. It's almost 10.30 at night, why the fuck, and how the fuck, are we meant to book tickets in a box office that isn't even fucking open?

Good grief, Dome, it's not 1996 anymore. Phoning somewhere to buy tickets is so insanely backwards. I wanna buy them online damn it. Sort your crappy system out.

Totally calling them in the morning through ;)

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Pointless things to blog about

#2: EXES.

an ex (plural is exes) is someone with whom a person was once associated. 

Meaning, what's in the past is in the past. An obvious one, no?

Well, you'd think so anyway. We've all been there - Compared our partners ex to ourselves, wondered who would win in any array of contests (Including, but not limited to, who can grow the best tomato plant) and felt down about the fact that you have no idea where to begin when growing tomatos. In fact, you have trouble remembering to water plants, becasuse you're too busy watching re-runs of Gossip Girl while being wrapped in a cloak of self-loathing and anGRRR.

Deprication aside, it's all too easy to get caught up in that shameful mindfuck, where you browse through your partners facebook photos of his ex, and it slaps you in the face. Yes, his ex is pretty, funny, intelligent and has a figure most women would justifiably kill their neighbours cat for, but fucking hell, SO DO YOU.

Alright, so I might not have the best figure, but that's not the point. The point is that while all of the above makes her kind of cool, she's not a threat. There's a reason he's with you and not her anymore, so maybe it's time to put down that tub of Ben & Jerrys, and focus on what you have now.

So, erm, long post short: Quit your whining you fuckwit. You have it damn good. 


P.S... I stole your ice cream. Good luck getting it back ;)

Monday, 23 January 2012

Pointless things to blog about

Number one (Of many to come):

My lightbulb situation - It confuses me. My ceiling light has just randomly gone out, however the bulb is perfect. The filament is intact. I've removed the bulb and put it back in and still nada. Why did it just go out, and why wont it work now?!?

(And to answer your ultimate question, it takes one girl and whoever responds to this post to change a lightbulb. But lets face it, you read but you dont respond! So I can say whateeeeever I want. Poopy.)

Such a rebel.

Saturday, 3 September 2011

Wales was...

It was good! Would have been better if Paul and I had access to actual showers (And by that I don't mean the showers in other peoples caravans).

So get this, we rock up at Paul and Claire's house at 5.30 in the morning so we can all convoy down to Pembrey, and THIS is where they choose to ask me if I'd brought a hat, because my hair was going to get greasy. One puzzled look and moment later, they're all stood in the kitchen laughing. They'd lied to us about there being electricity and shower facilities on the camp site.

Not one for making a scene, I had a bit of a hissy fit internally and soon realised there was no going back. So I hunkered down and thought bugger it, having greasy hair and not having a shower for 5 days might be fun! Pfft yeah, right.

Oh electricity and hot water, how I missed you! I'll tell you one thing though, I'll never, ever take a hot shower and being able to plug things into the wall for granted!

But beyond my diva-like drama, Wales was actually nice. We were right next to a lovely beach, and it was kinda romantic snuggling up in a tent under the stars. Despite the lary drunkards that we went with (Love you guys really!!).

We did come back a day earlier than we planned though, mostly because while everyone else was busy getting wasted, Paul and I actually went and did stuff. You know, like exploring, doing whatever activities we could (Horse riding, mountain biking and QUAD BIKING. Effing loved it! Admittedly I was nervous, but come the hell on, I'm a tomboy at heart and love anything that roars. Turns out I'm a natural and impressed a lot of people with my skills and thirst for speed. I did get stuck in a revene knee deep in water though. That was fun :D

So we came back home a day early, and after a days rest we were good for going back to work. But that very morning... Paul's kidney was struck with the horrors of a stone. Yup, the bitch that is kidney stones. Two Paramedics, one ambulance and one hospital later, he's still suffering the pain. But my Paul is a tough guy and he's manning up through it.

Of course it helps that he has someone as amaaaazing as me ;)

-B xx